Nearly half of American families are step families together. And if anything can take your life in balance, there is an unexpected step in your family time.
I live in Arizona, where a summer breeze is like a blast furnace. We could be on the dry heat jokes, but the summer heat here. desert people usually learn to deal with temperatures above 110 degrees. However, we also have a very interesting weather phenomenon called the monsoon. There is a seasonal shift in windoccurs in the second half of summer, bring water and moisture from the Gulf of Mexico, there was burning in the valley. During the monsoon, we experience huge walls of dust Donner, who quickly assembled in the valley and create visibility crash impossible followed by torrential rains ("But it's a dry rain!") and spectacular lightning. People who live here, you look at the monsoon, despite the risks and dangers it involves, why we needrain. After weeks of temperatures in the range from 113 degrees, a rain storm to be refreshing.
What does the monsoon has to live in a step family to do? Step families experience emotional monsoon-like conditions more often than nuclear families. In a step family, work life kind of calm and serenity for a period of time, when he suddenly comes out of nowhere, a big emotional storm that anyone who disturbs the ability to see clearly, the members of the family has done cover of streamsTears, anger and toxic thunderous lightning. It is an emotional wind-shift, so to speak. It can also be in season!
Winds of Change
The most emotional monsoon, which occurs in step families are caused by residual pain. For children, the birth of a family pass a death sentence, their imagination, that mom and dad they meet up again sometime. From everything we've learned about the effects of divorce on children, we know that this is a very real desire for almost all childrenwhose parents divorce. No matter how bad the first marriage was or how old the children were when their parents separate. Children (including adult children) stubbornly cling to this fantasy. The reality of mom and dad back together is never terribly clear, a child, when a parent marries someone else. This leads to feelings of confusion, anger and sadness in the child. Children are rarely able to verbalize these feelings, and in fact may not even realize.Often these feelings are dealt with tantrums, school failure and antisocial or aggressive behavior, according to the age of the child.
These feelings may also be occasional storms, which seem to have no rational connection to break something! Children often have to deal with strong emotions in pieces over time. For example, if a child can divorce of his parents, the child may act as if nothing had changed, and as if the divorce does not bother them at all. You may notconfirm their feelings for years. Or do sporadically. When parents are married, the child may be latent sadness unexpected divorce, when combined with anger over the new marriage. All these emotions can be strong in behavioral problems that have no rational relationship to a precipitating event, seem to be a monsoon emotional.
Storm in a Teen
Some of the anger and sorrow, the feeling that children can also arise Holidaysor the anniversary of the divorce of their parents' or remarriage. In essence, every opportunity that could lead to emotional memories Prime Time for a step family. A couple of years we have noticed this phenomenon with my daughter, Zoni, who was 13 at the time. She was moody and irritable in early November, the anniversary of his father's remarriage. His mood has continued for two weeks during the Thanksgiving holiday. When her father had called her on Thanksgiving Daywas open to all around our house, slamming doors, stomping and shouting at us all.
This weekend I bought a new pair of jeans, and within an hour he had "done" with a Sharpie pen and a pair of scissors. Normally I do not decorate your jeans with its object, but decided to write all the bad words about it - in words that would never allow to be used in our house.
Zoni and I sat down and discussed their unacceptable behavior and attitude - orI say, I argued, they looked at. I suggested to her that many children of divorce to their absent parent angry, but angry with those around them. I was wondering if this could be what they are going through. He came to the conclusion that maybe he was angry with his father - not our family. Once she realized it was as if the doors open. He sobbed as she told me that he was upset with her father married again, outside of their lives, and do not takeThanksgiving. He was also afraid to let him know that he was angry with him because he was really worried that he disappeared from their lives forever. It 'been easy for her, her anger out on our family because we were "safe." He knew that we never left or reject it, no matter how repugnant and unacceptable their behavior was.
Storm Shelter
So how do you deal with a stepfamily? In the same way we deal with the Arizona monsoon. Preparation is the key. WithUnderstand what to expect (emotional outbursts, which appears from nowhere) and why (a birthday or holiday, call or visit with the other parent), it can be better prepared. Give your child or stepchild shelter from the storm, saying: ". I see you're angry we can talk about why you feel this way," Try to get a better understanding of the underlying causes of the sudden storm.
Above all, speak of friendship with them and take anything personally. Keep inbecause nobody, including your child or your step-son, do not do anything for you. Most of their actions are motivated by their own thoughts and inner conflicts. Feel free to let go and things I do not personally, if you understand that very little of what people say or do is because of you. And remember - always blow storms.
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